The phrase "it could be worse" is used so often that it has become a cliche. Maybe it's time for us to stop and think before we use those words.

Could it really be worse?

Has this ever happened to you? Something very painful or difficult occurs. You tell someone about it. Then, in an effort to be comforting, they tell you “It could be worse.”

Whenever I hear those words I wish that for just a few moments I could be dictator of the world. If I were, I would permanently ban that phrase.

I know that people use those words to be comforting. They think that by reminding us that a situation could be more dire than it actually is, we will be grateful. They believe that they are helping us put things in perspective. The only problem with their approach is that the phrase tends to do the opposite. It often makes us feel defensive and angry.

The phrase “it could be worse” to someone suffering from chronic pain can be particularly offensive. As I mentioned in my post last week, patients ask me all the time if it will get worse. It’s their number one fear. When a chronic pain patient hears that “it could be worse,” not only do they feel belittled, but they also get a panicky feeling in their stomach, a vacuum suck of air as they wonder “will it get worse?”

Sometimes an chronic pain sufferer will try defuse the power of the phrase by using it themselves. Patients have said to me, “I guess I should be grateful, it’s not so bad. It could be worse.” While I suppose it’s possible that it could be worse for these patients, there is no real way of knowing. Everyone experiences pain differently. Studies have shown that injuries that knock some people flat on their back are barely felt by others. We don’t know why that happens. However, no one can ever really walk in someone else’s shoes when it comes to pain. The truth is that for that person, at that moment, it’s the worse it could be. They are suffering.

Now I’m not suggesting that everyone run out and tell a chronic pain sufferer, “Yes, for you it’s the worse it could possibly be.” Negativity never helps anyone. However, one of the most difficult things about being a chronic pain sufferer is the lack of acknowledgement that it isn’t easy. The most helpful thing you can do for your loved one is simply recognize that they have constant pain. Acknowledging their pain lessens their burden.

And in return, I guarantee you, the chronic pain sufferer will be so grateful to have been heard, they will never say to you that dreaded phrase "it could be worse."

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